The Struggle Is Real

OMG—it has been a minute since I’ve been here! I don’t even know where to start!!!!!! I haven’t posted since November 2024—it’s been so long. But I am ready to spill some tea (about me, of course… unless I should name drop, jk lol).

If you’re new to my blog, WELCOME—you’re in for a treat!!!!!!! I go by Prissy because my real name, Priscilla, is WAY too formal! I’m so excited to talk about everything that’s been going on with me—with you all. How have you guys been? Give me some tea… since I’m about to spill, LOL!!!!!!!

It’s already been a crazy year. So much change is happening around me, and somehow, I’ve overcome every single new challenge. But it hasn’t been easy. Sometimes I cry alone in my car during lunch. I know I should be counting my blessings, but I often get lost in my fears and the unknown of the future. I hate not knowing what’s coming—I feel like I’m always running with one shoe on, waiting for the second one to fly off. Does that make sense? It’s like you’re moving but stuck in one spot. I run mostly from what I think can hurt me. It can be a person, place, or thing (hahaha I’m literally describing a noun 😂). But seriously, all jokes aside, I mean it.

This week was HARD. And when I say hard, I mean full of tears and emotions I never knew I could feel. Most of it came from watching my boys this week.

My oldest son, Eli, is 18. On Monday, he started his first day of college. I watched him get ready—brushing his teeth, fixing his hair, grabbing his backpack. Of course, I made him take a “first day of school” picture, even though he didn’t want to. He gave me the biggest I’m proud of myself smile. But this time was different. He wasn’t getting in my car. I wasn’t driving him to school. I wasn’t dropping him off and helping him find his classes. I didn’t even help him enroll in college—he did it all with his high school team and counselors. He wanted to do it alone.

That’s when it hit me—my oldest, my first love, is slowly growing up and is now a man.

Since my boys started school, I’ve always said, “Your best…” and they’ve replied, “…is the best.” It’s our thing. It’s how I encouraged them and calmed their hearts before school. That morning, I said it again. He responded like always, but this time, we both got in separate cars. I drove away, watching him in my rearview mirror as tears filled my eyes. Yes, he will always be my baby, but in everyone else’s eyes, he’s a 6’1” man.

He came home later and told me all about class and how excited he was to be “adulting.” He even made new friends (he’s a talker, just like me). It took every ounce of me not to grab him, hug him, and beg him to stop growing.

Then came Tuesday… and my heart broke all over again.

My youngest, Julian (Juju), started his first day of high school. HOW IS THIS HAPPENING TOO?!?!?! This is my baby, the last one who ever heard my heartbeat from the inside of my tummy. He slipped into fresh new clothes and shoes, looked at me, and asked, “How do I look?” I told him, “You look good— all the bitches are gonna want you!” (Don’t be offended by the “b” word, that’s just how I talk, no disrespect!). He laughed and said, “Oh gosh, Mom.”

The night before, he asked me to drive him to school—just the first day—even though we live walking distance. Of course, I said yes. He even asked if we could take Dad’s car instead of mine because apparently Dad’s car is “cooler.” 🙄 Such a teenager thing to say, lol.

That morning, as we drove, he looked at me and said, “Oh no, Mom, don’t start crying.” I held back tears and kept driving. I asked if he was nervous. He said no, but I saw him fidget with his hands. I knew he was nervous—he just didn’t want me to worry. We pulled into campus, and he opened the door. My heart sank. HOW was this happening? It felt like I had just dropped him off at Head Start, and now I was dropping him off at high school.

We did our usual “Your best… is the best” routine, and then he closed the door. I just wanted to hold his hand like I used to on the first day of school. But instead, I drove away to work, tears rolling down my face.

At work, my boss told me she had just dropped her baby off for her first day of high school, too. She saw my tears and said, “Don’t start—you’re going to make me cry too.” And of course… we both cried together. We both had that same knot in our throats.

When Juju came home, he told me how much he loved school and how great his classes were going to be. That’s when I finally felt relief. Both of my boys had survived their first day, made new friends, and enjoyed themselves.

I love that for them—but a piece of me is having such a hard time letting go.

So, congrats to all the parents going through this same emotional rollercoaster. I’m right there with you. I’ve prayed for every emotion they’ve had—happy moments, scary moments, hard moments. I just want them to know that I’m always here for them. No matter how old they get, they will forever be my babies.

My goal has always been to raise good men and wonderful husbands. Thankfully, they’ve had an amazing example with Alex.

I can’t wait to hear all about your back-to-school experiences with your babies this year! Until next time—I hope you read this and smile (cry if you have to).

💜 Prissy